I really wish someone had told me that sometimes people are non-binary when I was growing up.

I'm not non-binary myself, but it would have made a big difference.

I'm biased but I suspect this isn't uncommon. There are so many stories where the theme of "be a man" or "be a real woman" is central. And so many people I know have told me the most painful parts of growing up related to having their ability to correctly do gender questioned or belittled. Why.

I knew non-binary people growing up but no-one had a word for it. We would say "They're like David Bowie." But, we didn't know if that meant you were Homosexual(oh no) or what. I was able to read and learn more in my teens, but simply knowing that gender isn't binary would have been very helpful and saved a lot of time and angst.

I was shocked when I found out how much hate non-binary people can face. Because, it seems like such a non-threatening thing. But, I think it's exactly that clarity a sense of normalcy that terrifies some people. Who would I be if I wasn't the girl who is terrified that people will think she's "too muscular?" Who would I be without that shame and pain?

Who would my brother be if not terrified that playing chess made him seem "gay" (which means not like a guy)

(spoiler: a happier people)

I knew non-binary people growing up but no-one had a word for it. We would say "They're like David Bowie." But, we didn't know if that meant you were Homosexual(oh no) or what. I was able to read and learn more in my teens, but simply knowing that gender isn't binary would have been very helpful and saved a lot of time and angst.

@futurebird the only argument I got in with my grandmother was over my desire to use they instead of she. Beyond that I didn’t have a term for myself and certainly wasn’t comparing myself to Bowie. If someone had I wouldn’t have understood them either.

It's a little frustrating to recognize how much time I wasted worrying about things that didn't matter. Worrying that there was something wrong with me that meant I'd never fit in. Judging others and enforcing the same petty worries on them.

But these fears are ugly little pets we do not need to care for and feed forever. Let it go!

We sometimes say "Someone being gay or trans doesn't effect your life at all." Things along those lines.

Thing is, this isn't totally true. There *is* an impact.

A good impact. A healthy one. Trying to enforce ideas of gender and sexuality that don't align with the complex way that we really *are* has an impact on everyone.

If being non-binary is "wrong" then not being a perfect match for your gender is wrong.

Maybe some people are scared of who they would be without the fear.

@futurebird The Man Card is an amazing one-- people keep inventing new rules for manhood I never heard of. The last one that baffled me was "a man doesn't eat soup in public." Stated with great confidence by some Fox News guy. What? Soup? There's a soup rule now?

@mattmcirvin

I don't really buy into much of anything being "manly" but the idea of a guy paralyzed with fear about eating soup or putting on a scarf or any of these other things strikes me as deeply un-masculine, just that level of self-conciseness, you know.

And this opinion of mine isn't exactly helpful, but maybe in the right context it could be a little funny. A little dramatic irony.