#fedihired ?

What if we started #fediMarried? Bad idea? probably.

I still think there ought to be some kind of introverts matchmaking service. And obviously it couldn't be a paid service as that gets the incentive structure wrong.

I found my husband of 18 years online before "match.com" was totally broken. IDK what I'd do today.

I know 6 people who kind of want to get married but none of them match. Gotta cast a wider net. They are introverts so this will not happen. How many have you got?

@futurebird The founder of Hinge left that to start over with Overtone-a generative AI powered app to put people together. I don't know how AI can fulfill the promise of Match's original algorithm (matching people based on factors shown to lead to lasting relationships), but perhaps there is a legitimate use for generative AI in there.

Lots of people don't want to get married and that's fine. I just think if people want to find someone they should be able to. Being married can be awesome.

@futurebird I believe the best way to find a partner is to work on things you care deeply about in a community of action. At worst you also get a bunch of great and interesting friends.

@quinn

I agree up to a point. This can be a trap: people will think that just by doing things they care about with other people they will eventually "naturally" just meet someone. It was only when I leveled with myself about what I wanted "I want to get married, a life long relationship" that I started making any real progress.

I knew many nice people but not enough to meet someone like my husband.

Started to think there was something wrong with me since it didn't just magically "happen"

@quinn

I literally ran the numbers and realized I only met about 3 new people in my age range as friends every 5 years or so.

My husband and I had zero friends in common, did none of the same clubs or activities. We would have never met in NYC if not for the dating app.

@futurebird honestly, you make a lot of sense here. I think I stumbled into a short cut by being in activism circles. People who by definition are doing something social and compelling in common, but also weird and niche to most other people, make natural partners. And activists constantly sleep with each other, which also isn't a great idea, but it is a great shortcut to partnering

@quinn

On my dating profile I added a line that said "maybe we can go protest the Republican national convention together" as a "date idea" and this resulted in fewer messages in my inbox but those that came were higher quality and shortly after I got a note from my now husband asking if I wanted to go to the AMNH and could we talk about Jane Jacobs maybe?

The protest suggestion made most of the "hey baby" type responses dry up.

@futurebird That Jane Jacobs move is clutch

@quinn

He had me good with that one.

#fedihired ?

What if we started #fediMarried? Bad idea? probably.

I still think there ought to be some kind of introverts matchmaking service. And obviously it couldn't be a paid service as that gets the incentive structure wrong.

I found my husband of 18 years online before "match.com" was totally broken. IDK what I'd do today.

I know 6 people who kind of want to get married but none of them match. Gotta cast a wider net. They are introverts so this will not happen. How many have you got?

@futurebird perfect, no notes.

I always thought that matchmaking should be like a kind of guild, and the matchmakers would have sashes with badges showing off all the good matches they'd made. It'd be all about bragging rights for the kind of people who pride themselves on having those kinds of advanced social skills.

Maybe I will put such a guild in one of my stories.

@futurebird did you see the Mrs Maisel episodes with her mother entering the matchmaker biz?

#fedihired ?

What if we started #fediMarried? Bad idea? probably.

I still think there ought to be some kind of introverts matchmaking service. And obviously it couldn't be a paid service as that gets the incentive structure wrong.

I found my husband of 18 years online before "match.com" was totally broken. IDK what I'd do today.

I know 6 people who kind of want to get married but none of them match. Gotta cast a wider net. They are introverts so this will not happen. How many have you got?

@futurebird Before the internet I had the notion to provide a dating service for weirdos. I wrote up a long questionnaire with questions about creativity and special interests. I hung up flyers all over Minneapolis, got a P.O. box, and left stacks of the questionnaire at coffee shops. I got six respondents, none of whom were a match for each other, and the project stalled out there. Part of the problem was I had no money and no outreach skills of my own.

@clayfoot

He's just saying the new buzzword. Matchmaking isn't as complex as people want to make it. The most important thing is that the people want the same kind of relationship. So they have a shared vision of being together that makes sense.

"What would it be like to take care of this person when they are sick? What will it be like to find their dishes in the sink?" These questions are key.

It's pretty normal to want a partner, they won't change who you are or solve your problems.

@futurebird

Gen ai (as in generative AI) can't do anything and is just a buzzword here.
General AI would certainly be able to perform well, but it doesn't exist (and we have no idea if it ever will exist).
AI in general may be helpful though, provided it gets enough data.
I mean, a lot of data, as to be able to point to patterns that a human wouldn't see.

@clayfoot

@lienrag @clayfoot

But, it already has ... all of the data possible. I think people don't understand just how huge "training data" (train is a poor word, it should be just called "data" or "data to be optimized into a relational fine-grain net with a ton of computing time")

@futurebird

Oh no it doesn't.
Not about the specific people it needs to match, and probably not about previous successful matchmaking.
At least not until it can get a lot of personal data that is not voluntarily provided to dating applications.

@clayfoot