I had a job when I was in HS working in an office of a importer and exporter of cigars and the guy who ran the company thought I was a computer genius with rare super powers because I knew how to set up a mail merge in word and excel to make his invoic...
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It's 2026. No one can figure out how to do a mail merge.
@futurebird I use them all the time. I get why people avoid them. What I don't get are the people who need a typist. And I only slightly understand people who need someone to properly format their docs.
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I had a job when I was in HS working in an office of a importer and exporter of cigars and the guy who ran the company thought I was a computer genius with rare super powers because I knew how to set up a mail merge in word and excel to make his invoices and letters for his customers.
It was a little tricky back then. But really just read the directions and follow them. I thought "some day computers will be so easy to use everyone will be able to do this"
Yeah. That didn't happen.
@futurebird I have to relearn how to do this every year for Christmas cards.
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Career advice: learn to do a mail merge and find someone who will be dependent on you for life.
The end.
@futurebird can confirm, I leveraged this and other Ancient Sorcery like “hella nested excel formulae” for raises at several jobs.
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It was a fun job. Although my boss was always smoking and had a lot of shady "friends."
He was always yelling "Where is that computer girl?"
Because I'd get whatever he wanted done and go back in the stock room and read for hours.
@futurebird one of my favorite jobs was doing data entry for a chimneysweep! there are so many people in tech who agonize about getting a job at google or whatever and don't realize that there are so many rewarding jobs supporting other fields that they've never thought of
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@futurebird bicycle for the mind, but it's one of those weird bicycles that someone drew from memory
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It's 2026. No one can figure out how to do a mail merge.
@futurebird Wow. And I do it with Libre office!!
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I had a job when I was in HS working in an office of a importer and exporter of cigars and the guy who ran the company thought I was a computer genius with rare super powers because I knew how to set up a mail merge in word and excel to make his invoices and letters for his customers.
It was a little tricky back then. But really just read the directions and follow them. I thought "some day computers will be so easy to use everyone will be able to do this"
Yeah. That didn't happen.
@futurebird those lucky bastards in the universe where HyperCard caught on…
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@futurebird oh, that makes sense
@alter_kaker @futurebird my favorite example is an Australian [CORRECTION: UK] bank that wanted to do a campaign addressing their top 200 [CORRECTION: 2000] high-net-worth customers. Due to inattention to correct placeholder replacement, two hundred letters went out each beginning with the same salutation “Dear Rich Bastard”…
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@alter_kaker @futurebird my favorite example is an Australian [CORRECTION: UK] bank that wanted to do a campaign addressing their top 200 [CORRECTION: 2000] high-net-worth customers. Due to inattention to correct placeholder replacement, two hundred letters went out each beginning with the same salutation “Dear Rich Bastard”…
@Unixbigot @alter_kaker @futurebird lol >The little UK firm responsible for the gaffe received a complaint from a potential customer who felt himself qualified to be a rich bastard yet had not received the letter he deemed appropriate to his station in life.
from https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/dear-rich-bastard/ -
I had a job when I was in HS working in an office of a importer and exporter of cigars and the guy who ran the company thought I was a computer genius with rare super powers because I knew how to set up a mail merge in word and excel to make his invoices and letters for his customers.
It was a little tricky back then. But really just read the directions and follow them. I thought "some day computers will be so easy to use everyone will be able to do this"
Yeah. That didn't happen.
@futurebird Reading the directions and getting cooperation from the end-user sounds like the easy part, right?
*laughs in bitter experience*
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It's 2026. No one can figure out how to do a mail merge.
@futurebird I've got one in Word and Excel that I use to print the New Year's cards. I'll have to redo it this year in LibreOffice.
For work, I've written one in Python that does attachments. I've even written the docs (because I use it once in a blue moon and can't remember how to run it).
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@alter_kaker @futurebird my favorite example is an Australian [CORRECTION: UK] bank that wanted to do a campaign addressing their top 200 [CORRECTION: 2000] high-net-worth customers. Due to inattention to correct placeholder replacement, two hundred letters went out each beginning with the same salutation “Dear Rich Bastard”…
@Unixbigot @alter_kaker @futurebird A friend of mine has been a professional database wizard for a couple of decades now. He has taught some corporate and conference classes. He gave a presentation like that once with a test database he had set up. For a company he had called "United Consumer Fuckers."
Actually mailing stuff out like that is obviously better, though.
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@alter_kaker @futurebird my favorite example is an Australian [CORRECTION: UK] bank that wanted to do a campaign addressing their top 200 [CORRECTION: 2000] high-net-worth customers. Due to inattention to correct placeholder replacement, two hundred letters went out each beginning with the same salutation “Dear Rich Bastard”…
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I had a job when I was in HS working in an office of a importer and exporter of cigars and the guy who ran the company thought I was a computer genius with rare super powers because I knew how to set up a mail merge in word and excel to make his invoices and letters for his customers.
It was a little tricky back then. But really just read the directions and follow them. I thought "some day computers will be so easy to use everyone will be able to do this"
Yeah. That didn't happen.
@futurebird both humanity and computers are stupid, imo
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Career advice: learn to do a mail merge and find someone who will be dependent on you for life.
The end.
@futurebird @noondlyt I do mail merge activities exactly once per year: Christmas holiday cards.
I have to relearn how to do mail merge exactly once per year: see above.
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@futurebird I setup the mail merge for my mom's small business on an Apple][ clone when I was an early teen.
2nd year college, I'm telling her I'm taking "Database Fundamentals" class and she asks why I have to take that. Asserts I already know the fundamentals.
I respond, "This is like, fundamentals of the American Airlines reservation database".@PizzaDemon When it works it works. Did you see the one about the airline reservation database that ran on Windows 95 in 2024? https://techstory.in/32-year-old-windows-version-saved-southwest-airlines-from-the-global-it-outage/
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Career advice: learn to do a mail merge and find someone who will be dependent on you for life.
The end.
@futurebird I literally taught a coworker how to do mail merge last week. She told her manager and my manager that I was her hero that day! The kudos felt good, but I marveled that nobody else in the office knew how to do it, or even that it existed.
She was going to write the email and send it to 250 people at a time, to get it to a few thousand recipients. And when one address is incorrect, manually find the wrong address and re send the email.
I think I saved her a good half days' worth of tedium. -
It's 2026. No one can figure out how to do a mail merge.
@futurebird I knew how to do a mail merge in the late ‘90s. I tried it in 2018 and none of the flows that used to work still did.
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It's 2026. No one can figure out how to do a mail merge.
@futurebird can confirm, but salesforce is making bank
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Career advice: learn to do a mail merge and find someone who will be dependent on you for life.
The end.
@futurebird I didn't know that this functionality existed in Office. Thank you.
