I really enjoy using this game as an ignoring everyone simulator and so I'm horrified that the well-meaning suggestions of my friends IRL have been inserted into the game too.

I have talked to no one except to complete quests for a year and so the game is like "the NEW quest is talking to people!"

this is pure evil.

Honestly, Emily this is NOT how you spread peace and goodwill. And if you think it is?? Why don't you do this yourself.

She doesn't even know me and is making up quests to "make the new farmer more social"

Why can't you be happy with me killing some slimes or something?

@futurebird
I am the new farmer in town who is only known by walking by in silence.
Okay, I talk to Krobus.
But the reason is that I like Krobus.

@futurebird it's especially funny to me how transactional friendship can feel in stardew, especially when it comes to people doing challenge runs and speedruns

like, a lot of people will say stuff like "there's no point befriending these people now, since they'll hate me again after I just sleep through an entire year"

@wakame @futurebird , yes, I do talk to Krobus too.
On Fridays.
We are Silent Duo for life!

@DrinkFromTheCup @wakame

Kroubus is the best.

I'm now thinking about how being able to choose NOT to do something can be an important part of the fun of a game. Could one design a game that really leans in to the joy of being introverted?

I think this is one of the fun things about stardew. It's a dating sim... but you can just ignore all of that and NOT do it. Delightful!

@clarfonthey

It can seem transactional, yes. But, making a real quest for yourself to say hello to everyone at an event (by name!) works. You don't even need to have anything interesting to say beyond just knowing everyone's name. If someone is talking too me too much I just start up on ants and either they are excited about ants too... or they go away.

But just saying hello is a big deal to most people more than they think. Wish someone told me this when I was younger.

@futurebird @DrinkFromTheCup

"If I give $PERSON a $THING for 20 weeks, they will eventually love me."

This is not extraversion, this is buying love with money.

@clarfonthey

If someone is pressuring you to go to a social event and you hate the idea of it sometimes it can help to ask them "who will be there?" and have them go through all of the people and help you learn who they are beforehand. (or at least a good handful depending on the size of the event)

Then you can show up and do the greeting quest until you find someone who will talk with you about something you actually want to talk about.

@clarfonthey

I took me too long to realize that the terror and preemptive exhaustion I'd feel when my mom wanted me to go to some event was mostly down to HER not doing a great job telling me who anyone was.

Now I just say "sure I'll go! But who will be there?" and have her take out her phone and SHOW me who all the people are.

I didn't realize that my mom (and many people tbh) think that if THEY know who someone is you do too.

This makes everyone much happier.

@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup

Except you can't give them money. You have to remember the thing that they like. Which means thinking about them and what they care about for half a second.

@clarfonthey

I think some people may pick up this kind of information "organically" but I am not one of them. And I'm not going to feel bad because I don't know things no one has told me.

(granted if I paid more careful attention when people talk about what other people are doing I might not be so far behind. But this is much simpler. )

@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup

The problem with the kind of dude who thinks "give woman $$gift five times: she must like me now" is mostly down to entitlement... but, also they don't bother to find out what the correct gift is.

It's not the value. It's taking the time to learn about the other *person* who *is* a person, not a vending machine.

If these dudes gave better gifts their plan might even work. (and in the course of executing the plan they might make a human connection which is the point)

@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup

I tended to err in the opposite direction of such dudes. I thought that doing things like working to learn names or making an effort to say something to everyone was "artificial" (it is) but therefore bad and fake and that I should be able to make friends and get to know people ... somehow... without doing any of these things.

This can work but it takes a long time, and you miss so many people that way.

@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup

Please do not beat yourself up about being "bad at socializing" while at the same time rejecting every basic thing that might make it less stressful. I think it's fine to decide that you just don't like talking to people and avoid it. But, there is no need to view yourself as deficient and not good at being human with other humans when you deliberately play on hard mode in social interactions in an effort to be "authentic."

@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup

I used to feel so bad that I didn't know who someone was, so stressed out that they would hate me, and everyone would hate me for not knowing what to say or do. But, **also** forbid myself from ever asking for help.

Because that also somehow meant I was "bad at" being social. (which I am, I do think some people find this effortless and they are freaks) nah. Just ask for help.

@futurebird @wakame @DrinkFromTheCup I feel I have to share this, because this is spoofing exactly that dynamic in games. But mostly because I love it and it brings me joy and I will jump on any excuse to share it
https://youtu.be/nf-lhFKPqSM

@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup

I remember having a very intense argument with a guy 'friend' in college about this topic. He was convinced from the "expert dating advice" that 'females' care about the *value* of gifts specifically and all my efforts to convince him that he'd do better if he spent more time finding the exact right gift (or thing to do, or even joke) were just some kind of propaganda put out by women to IDK conceal how things really work I guess?

Wonder how things worked out for him?

@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup

Problem is, there are women (people of every gender) who care about the value of gifts, who look at relationships in that transactional way and through no other perspectives. I couldn't convince this guy he was embarking on a life where these would be the only kind of women he'd meet.

But, then, he *was* also the guy who said my advice about women didn't count because I was "basically a man because you know too much math"

CMU was kind of a toxic place looking back.