#stardewvalley is ****judging**** me with this quest.
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"If I give $PERSON a $THING for 20 weeks, they will eventually love me."
This is not extraversion, this is buying love with money.
The problem with the kind of dude who thinks "give woman $$gift five times: she must like me now" is mostly down to entitlement... but, also they don't bother to find out what the correct gift is.
It's not the value. It's taking the time to learn about the other *person* who *is* a person, not a vending machine.
If these dudes gave better gifts their plan might even work. (and in the course of executing the plan they might make a human connection which is the point)
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The problem with the kind of dude who thinks "give woman $$gift five times: she must like me now" is mostly down to entitlement... but, also they don't bother to find out what the correct gift is.
It's not the value. It's taking the time to learn about the other *person* who *is* a person, not a vending machine.
If these dudes gave better gifts their plan might even work. (and in the course of executing the plan they might make a human connection which is the point)
I tended to err in the opposite direction of such dudes. I thought that doing things like working to learn names or making an effort to say something to everyone was "artificial" (it is) but therefore bad and fake and that I should be able to make friends and get to know people ... somehow... without doing any of these things.
This can work but it takes a long time, and you miss so many people that way.
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I tended to err in the opposite direction of such dudes. I thought that doing things like working to learn names or making an effort to say something to everyone was "artificial" (it is) but therefore bad and fake and that I should be able to make friends and get to know people ... somehow... without doing any of these things.
This can work but it takes a long time, and you miss so many people that way.
Please do not beat yourself up about being "bad at socializing" while at the same time rejecting every basic thing that might make it less stressful. I think it's fine to decide that you just don't like talking to people and avoid it. But, there is no need to view yourself as deficient and not good at being human with other humans when you deliberately play on hard mode in social interactions in an effort to be "authentic."
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Please do not beat yourself up about being "bad at socializing" while at the same time rejecting every basic thing that might make it less stressful. I think it's fine to decide that you just don't like talking to people and avoid it. But, there is no need to view yourself as deficient and not good at being human with other humans when you deliberately play on hard mode in social interactions in an effort to be "authentic."
I used to feel so bad that I didn't know who someone was, so stressed out that they would hate me, and everyone would hate me for not knowing what to say or do. But, **also** forbid myself from ever asking for help.
Because that also somehow meant I was "bad at" being social. (which I am, I do think some people find this effortless and they are freaks) nah. Just ask for help.
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The problem with the kind of dude who thinks "give woman $$gift five times: she must like me now" is mostly down to entitlement... but, also they don't bother to find out what the correct gift is.
It's not the value. It's taking the time to learn about the other *person* who *is* a person, not a vending machine.
If these dudes gave better gifts their plan might even work. (and in the course of executing the plan they might make a human connection which is the point)
@futurebird @wakame @DrinkFromTheCup I feel I have to share this, because this is spoofing exactly that dynamic in games. But mostly because I love it and it brings me joy and I will jump on any excuse to share it
https://youtu.be/nf-lhFKPqSM -
The problem with the kind of dude who thinks "give woman $$gift five times: she must like me now" is mostly down to entitlement... but, also they don't bother to find out what the correct gift is.
It's not the value. It's taking the time to learn about the other *person* who *is* a person, not a vending machine.
If these dudes gave better gifts their plan might even work. (and in the course of executing the plan they might make a human connection which is the point)
I remember having a very intense argument with a guy 'friend' in college about this topic. He was convinced from the "expert dating advice" that 'females' care about the *value* of gifts specifically and all my efforts to convince him that he'd do better if he spent more time finding the exact right gift (or thing to do, or even joke) were just some kind of propaganda put out by women to IDK conceal how things really work I guess?
Wonder how things worked out for him?
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I remember having a very intense argument with a guy 'friend' in college about this topic. He was convinced from the "expert dating advice" that 'females' care about the *value* of gifts specifically and all my efforts to convince him that he'd do better if he spent more time finding the exact right gift (or thing to do, or even joke) were just some kind of propaganda put out by women to IDK conceal how things really work I guess?
Wonder how things worked out for him?
Problem is, there are women (people of every gender) who care about the value of gifts, who look at relationships in that transactional way and through no other perspectives. I couldn't convince this guy he was embarking on a life where these would be the only kind of women he'd meet.
But, then, he *was* also the guy who said my advice about women didn't count because I was "basically a man because you know too much math"
CMU was kind of a toxic place looking back.
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Problem is, there are women (people of every gender) who care about the value of gifts, who look at relationships in that transactional way and through no other perspectives. I couldn't convince this guy he was embarking on a life where these would be the only kind of women he'd meet.
But, then, he *was* also the guy who said my advice about women didn't count because I was "basically a man because you know too much math"
CMU was kind of a toxic place looking back.
Sounds like he was already defining strict criteria on who counts as a "real" woman.
With that kind of mental sorting mechanism, he will of course only meet women who reinforce his conviction.
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Sounds like he was already defining strict criteria on who counts as a "real" woman.
With that kind of mental sorting mechanism, he will of course only meet women who reinforce his conviction.
I was curious so I checked... and it seems he's still single and grumpy. Which would be fine except all he ever talked about was "finding a good wife" ... IDK. what do we do to boys to make them this way? I think they correctly perceive they have been given a set of rules where happiness is impossible.
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I took me too long to realize that the terror and preemptive exhaustion I'd feel when my mom wanted me to go to some event was mostly down to HER not doing a great job telling me who anyone was.
Now I just say "sure I'll go! But who will be there?" and have her take out her phone and SHOW me who all the people are.
I didn't realize that my mom (and many people tbh) think that if THEY know who someone is you do too.
This makes everyone much happier.
@futurebird @clarfonthey My wife has a habit similar to this: If she explains something to a man (like her brother, or my brother, or my father, etc.) she assumes that she's also explained it *to me* and that I'll know what's going on.
Of course, she disputes this. I know, because my brother told me.
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#stardewvalley is ****judging**** me with this quest.
"Everyone will like you a little more"
What exactly are you implying with this.
@futurebird Never had this Quest, is it from a Mod?
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@futurebird Never had this Quest, is it from a Mod?
@svenja No it’s vanilla!
